Principium? The Beginning. In Latin. The root of most languages. Where most languages are derived from. Hence, we can look at Latin as “the beginning” of communication and this blog is “the beginning” of my communication.
It all started there ⇗. Lloret de Mar, Costa Brava, Spain. A little wooden house, crouched within bushes and trees, up on a hill, with a panoramic view of the bay. My large family of 11 and I stayed there for about 6 days and even though this destination did not turn out as expected I can say that, for myself, it was a reflective week.
As I said, all together we are 12. No, not 12 as in parents and 10 children. My mom’s sister and my dad’s brother are married and they each have 4 children. So if you think about it, in a way all the children are siblings. Do you get it? Don’t worry, I know it’s confusing, so refer to the 5 min diagram I drew for you below.
I’m an IB HL Art student, I think my teachers would be proud of my stickmen.
Our week in that little hidden wooden house was filled with laughter despite the immense heat and the blood thirsty mosquitoes which resulted in sleepless nights. The sleepless nights proceeded to fooling around and playing with the thought that we were spending our week in a haunted house. However, it was also composed of our dads telling us childhood stories which were moving and heartwarming. These nights with my family hit me. It hit me hard. Why? In all honesty, I don’t know. But there are situations or people who make you realize things you never realized before. I felt lost, I still feel lost. I felt like I was stuck in one place, not improving, not becoming a better person, my life was going nowhere. My realization of being stuck led me to a realization that I’ve been stuck for a long time, I’ve stayed in the same place for a long time and so I wrote this…
“I’m lost. It’s true. I am lost.
I don’t know who I am or who I’m meant to be.
I don’t know what I enjoy. I don’t know whether the things I tell myself I enjoy is genuine or if it’s just me convincing myself I do.
I tell myself I’m a good person. A person who tries to please everyone to the extent I forget about myself. But if that were true, then why do I manage to fail every friendship? Am I selfless to a fault? Or maybe I expect too much. Maybe I see too much good in people and I choose to ignore the bad until it explodes onto me.
I work hard, I think? But why do my parents tell me I have a lot more potential when I think I’m working my hardest? Why am I not managing to reach my potential? Why am I so unmotivated? What’s happened to me? Where did my commitment go? Where did my determination go? It seems to have disappeared in the most crucial time of my life.
The future seems so far, but, it’s now. I’m supposed to decide what I want my future to be like now. Now? But why do I seem so clueless about my future, more than a couple of years ago? I don’t know whether I’m supposed to live for myself or for others?
How am I supposed to choose my future when I don’t know what I genuinely enjoy or want?
How do I progress or improve myself if I don’t know what I’m supposed to progress in or improve myself in?
How do I improve myself if I don’t know what is truly me and what isn’t me?
I’m lost. Its true. I am lost.”
… and I created these…
It was as if I was climbing a mountain, heading somewhere, but all of a sudden, I had no next move, there was nowhere to place my leg. The only option I had was to go down a couple of steps and change direction. Meaning I have to make changes to my life. Big changes. Changes that might make me suffer but eventually allow me to climb back up the mountain. But what were these changes? What are the decisions that I am going to have to make if I wanted to keep climbing that mountain? I laid in bed that night of realization. I laid there visualizing everything that might have caused my mountain dilemma.
A week later, I talked to my parents and we came to two conclusions as to where I can begin to get myself back on track:
- Become more religiously involved
- Take action
Becoming more religiously involved speaks for itself but take action? The only way anyone can really discover what they enjoy is through experiences. Experiences, experiences, experiences. Expose yourself to new things. That way, you will discover that one thing that intrigues you, that one thing that you could do your entire life. Be it knitting, swimming, skydiving, painting… sleeping? My parents wisely told me to envision my future. What is it that I see myself doing? When I dream of a future, not think of a future, but dream of a future, what would it be? Traveling. Not for the general cliché reason that “I want to see the world”. No. I want to see the buildings, the architecture, the art, the history, the music, the language, the food, the people, the culture. I want to get to know the country as if it were an individual person. That’s what I envision and that is how I started my blog.